[lib][web][native] implement detecting DM messages as failed

Summary:
ENG-8423.

Further simplification is complicated because of different types on different platforms.

Depends on D13157

Test Plan:
Message visible in UI as failed.

Note: This stack is tested end-to-end according to the process described here.

Reviewers: tomek, inka

Reviewed By: tomek

Subscribers: ashoat

Differential Revision: https://phab.comm.dev/D13158